People are disruptive...
I heard this phrase a couple of weeks ago and I have to tell you, it strikes a cord with me. As it applies in my life, it’s true--people can be hideously disruptive. I would have said I do a bang-up job of grumbling under my breath when I’m interrupted and hiding the fact that I’m not the world’s most flexible person. But alas, it’s been brought to my attention by a few people who love me most that I don’t always hide my emotions very well when I’m interrupted. Could that be true of me?
If you know me, you know I’m an overachieving type A that craves deadlines and organization and you also probably know I’m pretty insightful, especially when it comes to knowing myself. For example, I know I don’t have the gift of hospitality. Have you ever been to my house for dinner? See? Not a speck of hospitality in sight. Why is this, you ask? 1. I don’t like to cook. 2. I don’t want my house to get messed up. Which is to say yes, I'm aware I’m a neat freak who trends toward pretty strong OCD tendencies. Feel free to laugh when I say that one of the things I enjoy most is engaging in conversation and strengthening friendships over a good meal. Out. In a restaurant. When you call me you might be planning a cookout but when I call you, you can bet we’re eating out!
So how does all of this relate to people? I would have said my scorecard on friendship earned high marks. I pride myself on quickly responding to emails and texts when anyone in my inner circle needs a hand, an ear, a ride, a dollar, a friend or when they just want to chat or vent. I try to make myself available at any hour to those I’m blessed to share my life with and thankfully, they gladly do the same for me. But I had no idea I was sometimes doing so with such a huff in my tone. With all of this insight I pride myself on having, how could I have missed that?
I was clueless that I huffed when my mom called last week to ask my opinion on something and politely asked what I was doing. “Working!” She recalls me saying in a rush. I also had no idea that I threw my hand out and growled over the weekend when the hubster interrupted a block of creative writing time I’d set aside. Yep. He said the actual quote was “I need five more minutes to wrap up before I can help you.” Wow! Where’s that application for Wife-of-the-Year? Will someone grab it for me, please?
To me, friendship shows up first and foremost by offering the gift of time to the people I adore and the last thing I want to do is offer that time with a scowl on my face and a growl lacing my voice. That isn’t a reflection of my heart and it’s not the kind of person I want to be.
This month I’m embracing the truth about myself. I huff and I growl a lot and I’m determined to stop.