Today's Meltdown...

I’ve stomped around here all week frustrated about decorating for Christmas. “I don’t know how to decorate when I’m only 80% unpacked,” I keep saying. And honestly, it’s been a perfect excuse. But the truth is I’ve been plagued with indecision which is to say I don’t know how to decorate this year. For the first time in 17 years, no one will be at my house for the holidays and while some of you will likely find that thought refreshing, I find it beyond odd. And I find it incredibly sad. It’s my favorite time of year and I’m at a loss.

Sunday afternoon my meltdown was brought to us by the letter A for Advent calendar. As I was pulling things out in an attempt to gather some excitement for decking the halls, it dawned on me that the Advent calendar the kiddo has completed every December since he was big enough to hold the little ornaments won’t be completed this year. Yes, I’ve solved the problem on his end and I’m taking a fun advent calendar for his dorm room but all you mamas out there know exactly what I’m saying. It’s not the same.

Yesterday’s meltdown was brought to us by the letter N for Nativity scene. I no longer have built-ins which means I’ve lost the spot where I display my Nativity scene, a set that’s almost as old as my marriage. My dear friend talked me off the ledge and reminded me that buying a little table would solve the problem and she’s right and I’m working on it. But still, when the realization hit that one of my most treasured Christmas pieces no longer had a home, it wasn’t a pretty scene around here.

Today’s meltdown was brought to us by the letter S for Stockings. I spent years trying to find stocking hangers that were innocuous and between three different Christmas shoppes on opposite coasts, I finally pulled it off a few years ago. Why does it matter? Because I want the decorations on the mantle to be visible, not the stocking holders. I hear you saying I should go buy some 3M command hooks and deal with it and I get it. I really do. But it’s one more thing that’s different and what I’m finding is that a lot of little different things are starting to make a big thing.

Things are just out of place enough that I’m having a hard time getting my arms around it. My head and my heart are at war and my OCD perfectionist tendencies are enjoying robust supporting roles. At this point, I have no idea who’s going to win because the task feels bigger than me. But I have hope because I know getting through this season of a millions differences isn’t bigger than my God. I wonder if he looks down on me in the middle of my tantrums the way I always looked at the kiddo? A little dismayed. A little frustrated. A little sad. And a little determined. Just keeping it real over here. #ATLOTPDay67IsHard  #BuehlerLIfe